Have you allowed your self worth to plummet in your relationships? Here’s how to recognize that & what to do about it!
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Bonjour. Welcome back to the High Styled Life. My name is Menellia. And today I wanna talk to you about something a little bit outside of the norm of what I'm used to talking about on this blog audio posts or even the blog posts.. So if you absolutely brand new here, my ultimate goal and purpose is to help you break free from the scarcity and the deep emotional trauma that you've been holding onto, that you keep perpetuating so that you can let go of that once and for all; and allow yourself to create a life full of love, abundance, pleasure, vibrant energy and all that stuff. So if you're brand new, welcome welcome to the haven. I am absolutely thrilled that you are here. Make sure you stay til the end because I do have a very special gift for you at the end so you want to make sure that you stay till the end of this audio blog post.
Today, I want to talk to you about relationships and self-worth. Now for the last two years as a lifestyle coach, my main focus has remained around, mindset blocks and emotional blocks as well as, goal setting and the law of attraction. But as time has progressed, especially over the last six months of my life, I realized something that I really had to take a stand for and I had to allow myself to let go of in order for me to elevate my life, myself, my business, my success, et cetera. And this is something that a lot of women experience a lot of the time. And we're afraid to talk about it because we love being seen as, you know, we don't like being vulnerable. When I started my business, the one thing that really got me connected to my community was being vulnerable.
And I wrote a 42 page memoir, which I will be upgrading to send to you if you're on my list. I wrote a 42 page memoir about how I got to where, um, in my business and in my life for that matter, how I overcome a lot of traumas and, and disappointments and emotional pains; and all those different things that really helped me, you know, elevate to the next step. And today I want to take this a bit deeper because this is something that has hit home quite a few times for me in the last six months, and I wanted to represent that in this, you know, this entire framework of what I'm teaching women. I'm someone who's absolutely, I love being vulnerable. And there are times when we're ashamed as women to share our rawness to share our openness because we afraid of being judged.
Once again, we want to be perfect. We do not like having the spotlight on us in the negative way. And it's part of the process of growing and it releasing and creating that's sexy, vibrant being and lifestyle and this empowered femme, that woman that you deeply want to become. So let's talk a little bit about self-worth and the relationships that you're holding onto. And I want to share with you a few signs that there's a correlation, a deep correlation with what you're allowing and how you're feeling in terms of your self-worth; as a woman and the relationships that you are keeping.In relationships as women, many of us tend to always be the over giver. If you have ever done an Enneagram test, which is pretty much like a personality test, then you will find that there are different personality traits that will pretty much represent the kind of person that you are or the characteristics that you possess, that really sometimes you may be wondering like, why do I keep doing those things and you're not sure…definitely go ahead and you could check out the Enneagram test to learn more about that. But my enneagram test and even in my brand archetype there are pretty much the same.
So when it comes to my brand archetype,I'm the ruler Royal primary, secondary, I am the alchemist/magician, the person who's always helping, persons, given, allowing and the person who always has that structure and control. Okay. In the Enneagram area, my personal personality trait is the type one, the perfectionist. I always have a lot of things a certain way, and I always, tend to plan sometimes, way too much sometimes, but I do, I've learned to create some flexibility in that area; and I'm also the helper. So in my brand personality and my personal personality, they're pretty much the same but in different contexts.
But as always with everything there needs to have a balance, a balance where we can thrive on a level plane and if it goes to the negative, than we tend to represent some very ugly sides of ourselves when things don't go our way according to, you know, what our enneagrams or archetypes represent. And then this is one of the things that I would be talking to you a bit more about the gift that I'm going to give you because they do mention that in there and how you're gonna connect with that deeply. But as I'm going to focus on my helper/alchemy/magician side of things. I am the first of my sisters and I always had this motherly role to clear in my entire life.
I was always the one who was taking care of my sisters ensuring that there were prepared for school, their homework wertr done the uniforms are washed, their hairs were combed, everything. Even in my cousins, I was also one of the eldest, so when my grandparents and my uncles and my aunts were on the farm and taking care of things, it was also my responsibility to take care of my sisters and my cousins. The role was always given to me to be the helper, the ruler to take care of persons and to make sure that they are always thriving. In my career as well, I started off as an admin assistant for very, very large projects funded by the World Bank; and as I transitioned from that area to the other, my current job, my role was still the same thing.
I'm always ensuring that there's structure, there's control there. I'm always helping. I'm always doing those things that’s always allowing persons to thrive, you know? But when it came to my personal life, there was a disconnection. There was this imbalance. So you found that yes, I had structure and control in my physical life, but when it came to the emotional standpoint, this was one areas that I never learned how to master, if that makes sense. Until I realized one day that the pattern that I was going through when it came to relationships that I was keeping, I always tend to over-give. I always tend to put the other person or people for that matter before myself.
I always tend to give so much of myself to other persons and I never give to myself. I always told myself, that's how it's supposed to be because this is what you were taught. This is how you were raised. You were supposed to be the giver. You're supposed to be the helper. You're supposed to give so much of yourself with the expectation that at some point in time, someday it's going to be reciprocated to you. That never happened on the level. Okay. It did not happen on a level that I wanted it to until one day I laid on my couch; I was having this weekend where it was just very broken; I was going through a lot of waves of emotions and that kind of stuff, right? And I laid on the couch & questioned to myself, hey, if you keep giving to everybody else who's given to you, what are you giving to yourself?
And it was like that moment that I realized that everything that I've tolerated, even if I did not want to in terms of relationship that I kept, and by that I mean intimate relationships as well as friendships, and even professional relationships as well. If I keep giving so much of myself to others, then what am I giving to myself? And it is from that space, you begin to realize that you're not really aligned with your core values, you not really aligned for your deep, what it is that you're really stand for your characteristics or what are your core values. And at some point in time, if you're not careful, then you tend to tolerate so much until you get to a breaking point.
Until you get to one of your boundaries, a limit that you have set for yourself or life has set for you until it is pushed to a level where you don't recognize who you are. And I experienced that and I was like, I literally, I could not stop it because I became so angry. And this is what happens when the negative side of my personality archetype, the negative side of that is that when we keep giving, giving, giving, giving, giving, you want to go to an unhealthy state, we tend to get angry. We tend to get overwhelmed because we not having things in alignment, in accordance, in balance. And we're pretty much outside of our element. And I have experienced that firsthand and that is scary. And it made me realize, hmm, wait a minute; what does that say to me? Like what exactly does this represent?
Or, what is this the lesson that I need to take out of this? And I sat down and I really began to analyze everything. You know, the sage in me, the analytic brain that I have always tend to analyze situations to really understand in depth before I make a first judgment. I like to be very discerning in my judgments. I give once again second chances & third chances; I give the upper hand until I’m really decipher and breakdown is this really what it is? And I realized something here that kept repeating in different phases of my life, not only in their relationships but also in the professional and in the business side as well. And even in myself, right? My Personal Self. And that was, I did have a lack of self-worth. Okay. I did have a lack of self-worth, which meant that I kept accepting everything that I did not want to that deep down I was not, um, what is the word I was not really honoring, rather, that's a good word.
And I kept accepting, accepting, accepting in the hopes that number one, at some point it would change. Number two, I was, you know, that's how it's supposed to be. You know, don't overthink things, don't try to be too crazy, et cetera. But in that space and time I realized the lack of self-worth that I had for myself that I kept tolerating so many things that were not in my deep core value system. So I have a question for you right now; as it pertains to your relationships, the relationships that you keep in, the friendships that you're keeping, the personal relations that you're keeping an intimate relationships that you're keeping, the professional relationships that you keeping; are you honoring your self-worth? Are there things that you're accepting that are not in your core value system? Are you accepting things with the expectation that at some point in time it's going to be reciprocated to you in a positive way?
Or, are you just giving and making excuses, let's just call it as is, are you making excuses for the other party? A few signs that might represent that for you is number one, are you articulating to the other person in the relationship what exactly it is that you want and is that being honored? And if it's not and you're still accepting that right there is your sign number one; that as a woman and as a man, if you're listening to this as a person, you need to understand where your boundaries lie. Don't allow yourself to get to a space on a point where it gets so dangerous, and so the energy gets to a level of so much negativity that you tend to react in a way that you don't recognize who you are. You know, you're like, who is this person?
What happened? Like how did it get here? So are you articulating & clearly having conversations? Are you communicating to the other party what it is that you want? And are they listening? Are they agreeing? And here's a second thing, are they still not doing what it is that they were agreeing to. Now you cannot control what anyone else does that have, obviously we know that; and that's a hard pill to swallow because if we could, if we could control, a lot of people did, then we would all be having things our way. But then again, that would cause chaos, right? But if you are having conversations constantly or if you're trying to have a conversation for that matter and it's not happening, that should be the first sign. But here’s why we tend to, even though the signs are there, the intuition is deeply connected, our gut feeling tells us that something is not right, and we keep making excuses for that; sometimes it because we really deeply love that person. We care about that person. And that's why the helper within us, the caregiver in ourselves tend to override our logical mind. The reality, the truth, what exactly is happening. We tend to sugar coat things. We sugarcoat things instead of looking at it from the real honest standpoint.
The second sign of your lack of self worth or your self-worth diminishing basically and continue to diminish is that, let's say for example you've gone through the phase of you understanding and having this very, you know, this epiphany that, oh my God, like what the hell was I thinking? Why would they stay so long, like all of the things that you've been tolerating, et cetera, from your relationships and your friendships through your job. Okay? And you'll, you begin to think, okay, you know what, I need to remove myself from the situation I needed to separate myself. And sometimes maybe you even physically separate yourself from the situation and in the initial stage you begin to feel good. But guess what? Because you've allowed so much of that to happen, you've reached a boundary, a point where it's like you begin to question, are your values real. If you're questioning your values, my darling, this is something that is absolutely dangerous. Okay? You need to really understand and give yourself the grace and the grit to go through the process or transmission process, the transition process rather because initially there will be a lot of pain.
You might leave a job that you really like or you may leave a job out of anger because you know you've been waiting and something did not go your way or you've been told and you've been promised and nothing happens. You might leave a relationship because you've been building up and you've been with, you've been patient, you've been tolerating, you've been asking, having conversations, all those different things, and then it gets to a point where something so deeply, deeply disrespectful happens that was your threshold, that was your ultimate limit and you literally went from zero to 100 in terms of energy level or 100 to zero for that matter on the opposite side. And you said everything that you wanted to say for such a long time and now you're questioning, well, should I really have done that? The minute you begin to question that, it really shows that you have a lack of self-worth. It really shows that there is a lot of things within you as a person, as a woman, that you need to begin to work on, you need to begin to really understand in depth how much of this you've been allowing and how much pain and how much negative programming you have allowed to build up within you. And at that point in time, I want you to ask yourself one question and that is going to seal the deal for everything. And that is whether you're in a relationship, whether you in a job, whether you're in a friendship and you ask yourself, if I had to have the most ideal relationship, career, friendship, does this situation right here represent that?
Can I rely on this? Do I see myself in this one year from now? Do I see myself accepting this? If my friend was in this same situation, what would I tell her? And it is from that space and from that point, you'll begin to get really vulnerable and really honest with yourself and you begin to swallow that very hard pill and it's going to be painful. I will tell you it's going to be painful, but guess what? It's the very first stage of your healing. Now in that space and time, don't beat yourself up about it, you apologize, you forgive yourself, you forgive the other party and you allow yourself to heal, you allow yourself to move on, you allow yourself to take that first step and there may be days when you have those highs and you wake up the next and you're crying and your bed.
Yes, these things do happen, but it's part of the journey. It allows you to really let go and to release and to break free from all that deep trauma because once again, we how you've been spending time building this so it’s not going to happen overnight, it's not going to be completely gone over night and that is where you have to be and here’s the magic. You have to be gentle with yourself. The same level of effort, the same level of love, the same level of kindness, the same level of giving that you'd deeply want to give to the other party, to your career, to your relationships, to your friendship, the same level of affection that you want to give to that; you begin to give that to yourself. You begin to wake up every single day, you begin to remind yourself of where you are, you begin to let go through journaling prompts, et Cetera, asking yourself questions.
How do you want to feel or do you want to see yourself go? If you had one day left to live, how do you, how would you spend that day and if that there was not going to be a very sad day, then you better believe that you will get out of your bed and you will keep moving forward. Growth and healing and restoration and rejuvenation and recalibrating your entire values and rebuilding yourself for that matter, it's going to take time. And you might find that this signs might show up in your business , if you are a coach, if you have your own business for example, you keep giving so much to your clients and they're not doing the work and you keep making excuses as to why; like you're not a good coach. You can’t do this is this, like you keep taking the blame.
No. At the end of the day there are more than one is in this situation and everybody has a part to play in terms of the responsibility. You can accept your part in that responsibility, but at the end of it all the other party has to also accept their part of the responsibility. It cannot be all on you. So if you find yourself blaming yourself and making excuses and saying that you know, well maybe it's not that bad. No, no, no, no, no. If your self, if all the signs has been telling you to stop, to let go to release and you have been making excuses. If you stay in this situation one year from now, your self-worth will even be at a deeper plummeted level and it's going to be so much graver. So I hope you did take some very amazing wisdom nuggets from this.
I will link down below for you a few prompts, questions that you would start to begin to, you know, under like answers to see how you can begin to elevate that. But as a promised, I do have a very special gift for you. Now this gift is a quiz and at the end of the quiz I give you two exercises to begin to understand in depth. How can you begin to recalibrate your femme power? Now your femme power is the personality trait, the person, the woman that you are always completely in her state of being. She's honoring her truth. She's honoring herself, just honoring her love. She's honoring her self-worth, she's honoring her values and she's not making any excuses about it. But if you're like me and you've gone for the phase that I have, then you might probably be at one or two of those phases.
Number one, you might be in the beginning stage or probably in the middle stage where you're just giving, giving, giving with the hope of expecting or receiving that in return or your might have broken that boundary, broken that threshold, got to such a deep pain threshold and now you're at a point where it's like you, you have reached your limit and you're on the negative end of the spectrum and you'll be getting to act out in that regard and it's literally disrupting your life and everything that comes with it and you want to recalibrate yourself. We want to bring yourself back to that grounded space, that space where you're on the level plane and you're allowing and you're having that clear attitude, clear mindset, very vibrant energy, your abundance, your full of pleasure, you flow, self-love, you're full of life. And that is what I want to help you begin to calibrate with the quiz.
So if you have not taken the quiz yet, down below there is a very beautiful image, click the click the image right there to go ahead and access that quiz, and after that it depends on which one you receive, as a result, you will be given a tool, an audio guide, as well as the playguide to sit down and begin to realign who you are in your deep femme power as a woman. So once again, thank you so very much for listening to this episode. If you loved it, I would love to hear your thoughts down below your experience as well. Definitely share that with me, join the conversation down below and do share this episode with your friends, with your colleagues, with your community; I would highly appreciate that and I will see you next time.
BONUS PROMPT QUESTIONS
Is there any stage in my life right now that I feel out of alignment with what I truly desire
What am i tolerating that I must let go of and release if I want to get to the next stage of my life
How have I contributed to this situation and how am I prepared to accept that part
What is my next step moving forward!
Journal these 4 questions out if you feel deeply connected to this episode.
Until next time!