Have you been desiring to become a more confident woman?
I used to dislike the portrayal of Tasha Mac in the series The Game because there’s usually some aggression exuded. And if you look at the character Olivia Pope in Shonda Rhimes Scandal, their behaviors are similar. Both characters displayed courage, confidence, and sometimes aggression that borders on arrogance.
Yet when they speak, people listen; when they strategize, both succeed; and when they walk into a room, all eyes are on them. So what made them such powerful TV characters?
Let’s talk about the essence of confidence, how YOU can develop it internally and externally as a woman, and how to not allow yourself to fall into the trap of arrogance.
Definitions & Differentiations.
First, let us define and distinguish the difference between courage, arrogance, and confidence.
The goal is to have balance, especially between confidence and arrogance. It is imperative to practice building courage because without being courageous, being confident in yourself may feel challenging. Building your courage is somewhat of a prerequisite for building your confidence. It is the first step, the first push toward doing something. You can convince yourself and your mind to face difficult situations and challenge yourself without fear, even if you are afraid. The outcome is that the more you practice being courageous, the more you develop self-confidence.
However, in everything, some limits lead to overconfidence or arrogance, or what we see a lot in Tasha Mark’s character and sometimes in Olivia Pope’s. Overconfidence is shown in scenes where they instill fear in others, are not open to criticism, feedback, or suggestions, and believe it’s always their way or the highway. That is the negative side of confidence. And if not careful, it’s easy to fall into that spectrum. Arrogance is rooted in a sense of insecurity and is a defense against unacceptable feelings of weakness, especially when trying to discover who you are.
An overconfident person tends to overestimate the chances of success of an endeavor and underestimate the risk, and sometimes validate themselves only through affirming their superiority to others. They tend to be very loud, in your face, have no sense of calmness in difficult situations, and just like a confident person, an arrogant person is aware of personal areas of strength and ability. However, there is the constant need to “self-praise, or expect praise from others. In short, it’s all about them.
You probably have crossed paths with someone like that and did not want to hang around them. The truth is I have been arrogant in the past, lending to why self-awareness and self-analysis is the first step to building true self-confidence.
What Exactly IS Confidence?
Now that we’ve covered that, what exactly is confidence? Confidence is assurance in yourself and the outcome of a situation. You can accept criticism, welcome feedback and opinions of others, recognize your strengths, remain calm in a difficult situation, encourage others to be better without the feeling of lack from yourself, the ability to get past fears and doubts, and take control of your life and decisions.
HOWEVER, confidence is not a belief that one is always right or a sense of being unable to fail. You believe in yourself, but not to the point where you feel you are a god. That is cockiness and arrogance. Above all, confidence is an inner and outer game.
Inner and Outer confidence
There are two facets of confidence – inner and outer self-confidence. Inner confidence is what we discussed above. That’s how you perceive yourself. That’s your belief in yourself to succeed and your ability to neglect others’ opinions about you. And this comes from Self-awareness, self-belief, and practicing emotional intelligence. Again, keeping the balance or sometimes another’s feedback is of good merit and supports you in developing your self-confidence.
Outer confidence is how you present yourself to the world and your treatment of and engagement with others from both a physical and an image standpoint. What techniques and methods do you use to strategize success? Have you ever spoken to someone who sounded sure, but their body language and actions were the opposite?
When you master both aspects of self-confidence, inner and outer, it becomes easier to exude it and contribute to the quality of your life and your results.
How To Become More Confident
A confident person did not wake up one day and was just that. Never. You develop true confidence through your experiences, through practicing certain facets of both types, for example, mindset development, being aware of your emotional state more often than not, body language practices, asking for guidance and feedback, and implementing criticism.
And when you have a growth mindset instead of a fixed mindset, it becomes easier to embrace practicing the facets of true self-confidence.
- Face your fears – Create a list of your fears, and set micro-goals to
- Focus on your strengths instead of your weaknesses
- Use social spaces – conversation and even physical to develop your self-esteem
- Be mindful of your negative self-talk and thoughts & Manage your emotions to begin trusting and believing in yourself
- Take action
- Embrace failure & rejection, struggles
Essentially, confidence is a practice. There are no quick tips, it takes time, and you cannot fake it. It’s a muscle you strengthen. And if you begin with self-analyzing where you are right now and how you show up in life based on the lessons here, the next step of open-mindedness will be smoother.